Transсriрt of a video recording made in the White Wolf Offices Prior to 1998Transсriрt of a video recording made in the White Wolf Offices Prior to 1998
White Wolf CEO: I call this meeting to order. First off, I would like to apologize for how cramped the room is. I would like to ask the vampire delegation why so many of them are here when we only invited three.
Ventrue: Well, when you asked us to send you a representative for the Camarilla, we put it to a vote to see who should go, and the vote kept ending up a tie, so we sent a rep from each clan. I hope that's alright.
Tzimsce: And when the Sabbat learned of what they were going to do, we decided to follow suit.
White Wolf CEO: Very well. And what about you independents?
Ravnos: Did you think we would honestly trust each other enough to pick a rep from one clan to speak for us all?
Ventrue: Hey! Give me back my wallet!
Ravnos : sighs and gives the wallet back: Don't worry, I didn't take any of your money.
Ventrue: Okay. Give me my money back.
Ravnos :Grumbles and hands Venture his money:
White Wolf CEO: Well, that explains why all of you are here, but what are they :makes a sweeping gesture with his arm, indicating the werewolf, mage, wraith and changeling delegations: doing here? This meeting was only supposed to be for the Vampire game.
Verbena :elbows Fianna: I told you we were the red-headed, bastard step children of this company.
White Wolf CEO: What was that?
Verbena: Nothing.
White Wolf CEO: So how did you find out?
Get of Fenris: :cracks his knuckles and grins evily at the vampire delegation: We have our ways. Though I'm not sure how the rest of the tribes found out.
:Twelve werewolves turn and look at the thirteenth:
Silent Strider: What? How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to tell anyone?
Black Fury: :jerks a thumb towards Get of Fenris: And if you think I'm going to listen to anything he says about what went on here, you've got another thing coming.
White Wolf CEO: And the Bete?
Corax :whistles innocently.:
White Wolf CEO: :sighs: Mages?
NWO: MY ASSOCIATES AND I ARE NOT MAGES! WE ARE...
White Wolf CEO: I'M IN NO MOOD RIGHT NOW FOR THIS ARGUMENT! YOUR PART OF THE MAGE GAME! NOW SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN BEFORE I GILGUL YOUR ORGANIZATION!
Malkavian :giggles:
White Wolf CEO: :glares at Malkavian:
Malkavian :holds up a sock puppet puppy: Meow.
Brujah :Bops Malkavian on the head:
White Wolf CEO: Mages?
Uktena: I told some of my cousins that are Dreamspeakers.
White Wolf CEO :rubs his eyes: We've really got to errata that supernatural kinfolk merit :writes something down on a piece of paper: . Changelings?
Sidhe: We were informed by the Order of Hermes that came to our court.
White Wolf CEO: Well, let me at least thank you for being the group that sent only one representative.
:The door to the room opens up and several changelings run in, they quickly make their way to the Sidhe, where they bow.:
Troll: Good news my queen. We have slain the evil dragon invaded our lands.
Pooka: And I did it all myself!
Mokole: YOU WHAT?!?
Pooka: We didn't kill a dragon!
Mokole: Oh... I guess I must be hearing things.
White Wolf CEO: Okay. Wraiths?
Wraith :points at the Get of Fenris: Like he said. He's got his ways.
Malkavian: :points at the Get of Fenris: You killed Kenny! You Bastard!
Get of Fenris: Bite me.
:Brujah draws a gun. Get of Fenris draws a klaive.:
White Wolf CEO: THERE WILL BE NO FIGHTING DURING THIS MEETING! THE FIRST ONE THAT ATTACKS SOMEONE ELSE GETS ERASED FROM EXISTANCE! REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAPPADOCIANS AND THE CROATANS?
:Brujah and Get of Fenris grumble and put their weapons away.:
White Wolf CEO: That's better. Now then, the purpose of this meeting was to inform the Vampire community about some of the changes we are going to be making to it soon. But since all of you have shown up, we may as well tell our future plans for all of the games.
Cult of Ecstasy: :offers White Wolf CEO a joint: Need help seeing the future?
White Wolf CEO: No. That's okay. I have it all written down already. Vampires. Bad news. Some of the Antediluvians are going to begin waking up.
Malkavian: :jumps up and starts doing the electric slide and begins to sing: It's the end of the world as we know it...
:Malkavian continues to sing, but the sound goes mute:
White Wolf CEO: Thank you Assamite. You know, for helping out there, think we're going to change your clan's flaw. Vampire blood isn't poisonous to you anymore. It's addictive.
Brujah: All these years I've been beating up on the kook and your giving Assamite the new flaw?
Tremere: You know Assamite, some things come up. I won't be able to attend out meeting over dinner next Friday. Sorry. Like I said, it just came up. :scoots his chair further away from Assamite.
White Wolf CEO: Actually, Malkavian, we'd like to discuss another change with just you alone. Could you leave the room for a minute?
:Malkavian stops dancing and leaves the room, shutting the doors behind him. Shortly there after, a scuffle is heard outside the room, ending in a scream. A few moments later a new person enters the room, wearing Malkavian's skin like a rain coat.:
White Wolf CEO: Let me introduce you all to the new and improved Malkavian. Scarry instead of goofy.
Marauder: Good. The old one was annoying my little friend. Wasn't he. :holds up a sock puppet kitten: Arf Arf!
Gangrel: What group is this new Malkavian affliated with again?
White Wolf CEO: The Camarilla.
Gangrel: Uh... I think my clan is going to become independent.
White Wolf CEO: Well, if you want to. I'm not going to stop you.
Ravnos: So is that all, or are you going to screw with us some more?
Wraith: Oh come on, it could be worse. He could kill of an entire one of your clans if he wanted to.
: White Wolf CEO smiles slightly and scribles something down on a piece of paper.:
Ravnos: Don't give him any ideas!
White Wolf CEO: Now then. Werewolves. Not much is going to go on with you. The Apocalypse is growing nearer. We're concidering having one of your tribes leave the Garou Nation.
Ratkin :waves his hand around franticlly: OH! OH! OH OH!
White Wolf CEO: Yes?
Ratkin: Me and Ananasi know which one it's going to be!
Ananasi: If I did have such information, I wouldn't be telling anyone that I had it.
White Wolf CEO: Actually, we haven't decided on one yet, so I doubt any of you know.
Ratkin: Oh, come on. You can tell me. It's the weaver mutts right? Right?
Glass Walker: That reminds me. I really should invest more money in that pest control company I own.
Silver Fang: A loss of any of the tribes would be grave indeed.
Wraith: Look. Don't worry about it. Things could be worse. Your getting off fairly easy compaired to the Vampires.
White Wolf CEO: Yes. You should listen to the Wraith. That's all I have to tell you. Now on to the Mages. First, let me say the Ascension war is going to end.
Virtual Adept: So who won already?
Celestial Choir: You just want to know so you can jump ship back to the Technocracy if they were the ones who won.
White Wolf CEO: Actually, no one won. The sleepers no longer are accepting of ritualistic magic, and they've become disenchanted with high technology. You've reached a stalemate.
Hollow One: I told you guys fighting for Ascension wasn't the way to go.
Euthanatos: Oh shut up and go back to reading your Byron before I renew all your posibilities.
White Wolf CEO: And we're also going to be activating something called the Avatar Winds in the Umbra.
Void Engineer: The Umbra?
Dreamspeaker: And what do these winds do?
White Wolf CEO: They make it dangerous for any mage to cross into or out of the Umbra.
Dreamspeaker: WHAT?
Void Engineer: Uh... What's the Umbra?
Son of Ether: Define "dangerous".
White Wolf CEO: A Mage could be severly injured, killed, or possibly have his Avatar decimated. And it severs all connections between the two, so your chantries in the umbra are going to become lost. As will anyone in those chantries when it happens.
Dreamspeaker: There better be a way around this!
White Wolf CEO: We'll let you know as soon as we find a way.
Shadow Lord :pulls out a cell phone and dials a number: Hello? It's me. I'm still in the meeting. Listen. I just got word. Make sure you send the check to the "Umbra for shifters only" lobbyists. Yeah. Goodbye.
Dreamspeaker: YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Bone Gnawer: You don't know the half of it.
Dreamspeaker: Hey, Euthanatos. Meet me after the meeting. I have a couple contracts I want to work out with you.
Wraith: Look. Violence never solved anything. He said he would let you know if they find away for you to get around it. It's not the end of the world.
Void Engineer: Excuse me. Could someone tell me what this Umbra is and what all the fuss is about?
White Wolf CEO: Later. Okay where was I . Changelings. :looks around at his notes: I had something about your kind around here somewhere.
Redcap: :burps: You did. It was delicious.
White Wolf CEO: Oh. Uh. Sorry Changelings, I'll have to get back to you on that.
Satyr: WHOOHOO! We're off the hook! Party at my place!
White Wolf CEO: Okay. I guess I put it off long enough. Wraiths. There's just no easy way to say this. Your dead.
Wraith: Well duh. It's kind of in the job desсriрtion.
White Wolf CEO: Actually, we're ending your game. The big storm hits, and all you wraiths end up getting sucked into oblivion.
Wraith: WHAT THE ...
Child of Gaia: Now now. Remember all the advice you gave to the rest of us. It's not the end of the world.
Wraith: Actually, IT IS you dumb mutt!
White Wolf CEO: And we are planning on starting a new game line. Hunter the... something or another. We haven't quite worked the title out yet.
Toreador: Hunter? What exactly will these things be hunting?
White Wolf CEO: Well... actually...uh...
Lasombra: All of us?
White Wolf CEO: Yeah.
Wraith: That's it! I'm leaving now, and I'm going to tell every Wraith I know about what you are doing, and we are going to find and attack every hunter we come across until you re-start our game line! And I would advise the rest of you to go now and tell everyone what's going to happen to them too!
:All the supernaturals present in the room exit, leaving the White Wolf CEO alone in the room:
White Wolf CEO: Well that went better than I expected. Meeting adjourned.
The End.
@темы:
юмор,
старье,
дневник kattey
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17.05.2007 в 20:57-
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17.05.2007 в 21:00Впрочем, есть люди, способные этот юмор понять.
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17.05.2007 в 22:41прошу заметить критики в моём комментарии не было)
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17.05.2007 в 22:43замети еще тогда)
впрочем, ни намека на спор в моем посте, да?